Ooh, a lot here that I can appreciate and I’m grateful for you sharing. My husband and I talked yesterday, when I posted my Becoming a masterpiece article, about the sharing of details about our daughter. It is a fine line. I often wonder about it, too. I began writing, after a very long nudging to do so, to heal and share the experiences and stories of what I’ve learned along the way of living in while trying to recover from trauma. And my trauma is mostly from experiences with our daughter. For now, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m telling my side of the story and if and when she wants to write and tell hers, I’m sure we’ll (her family) be a large part of it. I can’t stop her nor would I want to, as it’s her lived experience. I feel I can’t write honestly and vulnerably about my experience without including some of those details about her. But the timing of your post and recent chats and my recent article will keep me thinking about it. I have asked her in the past what she thought about me sharing so much and she didn’t mind. But she is getting older now.
On another note, I love the pic of sweet young you, dressed up with your pin. Adorable.
And, I also love your idea of making your posts podcasts. As a matter of fact, I’m trying to remember to include an audio version of my posts because a dedicated reader of mine told me she has trouble seeing the screen to read my posts but she wants desperately to be able to read them all. So I told her I would put them to audio and she was tickled. She is a senior and when I read your post about tips and your podcast idea and thought of my reader I thought that might be a good tip to include - offer audio versions of books or podcasts for them to listen to. OK, one more thought...when I taught art, I volunteered at an assisted living facility and brought creative activities to do with them. They often mirrored the type of activities I would do with my preschoolers. Their ages were late seventies up to 99 and many had dementia/Alzheimer’s. They loved art days with Mrs. Kelly and they would come alive! One day in particular, I brought clay so they could freely sculpt. One gentleman, in his 90’s, was so incredibly engaged and he continued to sculpt an entire little village of people. After he had finished, he broke out his harmonica and began playing a tune for all of us. This opportunity to create brought so much joy, he couldn’t contain himself. It was the sweetest moment. I have a photo of it somewhere in my phone. I teared up when it happened. Perhaps doing simple art activities is something else that could be added to your list? :)
Love this updated post so much. What an adorable picture of nurse Jen!!! You have given some absolutely wonderful advice. I especially like the storyteller section. I remember when we oversaw the care for my husband's grandmother, and we eventually moved her to a memory ward near us. I learned to play along to whatever role she assigned me that day. Sometimes I was her daughter or my sister-in-law. Sometimes I was the best friend in her wedding. (Having heard the story many times, I could fill in the details she didn't remember.) Sometimes I was a 3rd grader in her class. You have to be willing to playfully enter whatever part of their memory they are inhabiting at the moment. Praying for this beautifully hard journey you are on. Thank you for sharing your heart with us!
This is a simply beautiful, powerful post Jen and I have read and reread several times, just to savour it. The moving words from your previous article on that last time there was that clarity to maybe tell your dear mum you love her. I'm in tears. So often these precious moments in time, slip through our fingers. But your mum will know your love for her, she will sense it, I adore Sue Fulmore's comforting words too.
Those photos - of you when you were little and your dear dad, smiling. You offer such strength and courage to others going through similar times with loved ones and your tips are brilliant! I so so relate with being an advocate, coordinating for doctors and yes - so true about knowing when something is wrong in your gut. I also relate to needing to eat something when with an older relative - I feel so bad as I haven't always been having a snack with Mum, as I'm gluten free, but she's always so disappointed if she can't offer me anything. Must make more effort with that. And also yes, so true, being kind to yourself in such a difficult situation is a mantra for us all! So beautiful, you really are a ray of sunshine xxxx
Jen, there is so much here to respond to. I feel the same angst when it comes to how much to share online. And yet I know you are right, our stories are needed to encourage, inform, and inspire hope for others. The solidarity and companionship that comes from reading words that describe our own experiences is priceless.
I love the photo of little nurse Jen! 😍so cute!
The tips you offered are so very practical and needed - I wish I had those many years ago when we first began the dementia journey with my MIL.
Thank you for sharing some of my prayer 🥹 that is kind of you as always. I appreciate so much your support.
Jenn, I wrote a long response and then accidentally deleted it! I’ll sum it up here: every word of this is beautiful and helpful. I adore that photo of you as a little nurse! The smile! Your face oozes charm, and competence. And, yes, please record these posts because I LOVE hearing your voice.
Oh this is a beautiful, powerful post Jen. So much resonates - especially the point you make about how much of our story belongs to us and what we need to keep private for the sake of those we love. Always tough to reconcile. Also, the tips on managing the needs of a loved one who requires extra care and on dealing with those who manage it when we are not able, are invaluable and it is so familiar! As for those photos - of you as a nurse, just gorgeous and the one with your Dad - made me feel really emotional. Your suggestions are incredibly helpful and so typical of your inherent kindness in helping and supporting others in difficult situations. As always, such wise, wonderful words xxx
Thankful for the stories you share. And yes, so challenging to know what to share in public spaces and what to keep private. It's a fine line, for sure. But you walk that line with much grace and kindness, Jen. Great tips, by the way. The shorter more frequent contact really resonated, and has been so helpful on my own journey with Mom. Blessings to you, friend 💖
Wow such a lot of lovely, helpful wisdom and kind, supportive words here! This week for me has been A lot. What with hospital appointments for my parents and many a discussion with medical staff to help my mum and dad understand what’s going on (and yet, they still don’t really unless I repeat myself on a loop. And even then...) Oh your beautiful wedding photo and lovely dad 😍 I also really appreciate you sharing your wise and feeling thoughts and also those that you have enjoyed. I would love to hear newsletter recordings too! Big hugs xx
Ooh, a lot here that I can appreciate and I’m grateful for you sharing. My husband and I talked yesterday, when I posted my Becoming a masterpiece article, about the sharing of details about our daughter. It is a fine line. I often wonder about it, too. I began writing, after a very long nudging to do so, to heal and share the experiences and stories of what I’ve learned along the way of living in while trying to recover from trauma. And my trauma is mostly from experiences with our daughter. For now, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m telling my side of the story and if and when she wants to write and tell hers, I’m sure we’ll (her family) be a large part of it. I can’t stop her nor would I want to, as it’s her lived experience. I feel I can’t write honestly and vulnerably about my experience without including some of those details about her. But the timing of your post and recent chats and my recent article will keep me thinking about it. I have asked her in the past what she thought about me sharing so much and she didn’t mind. But she is getting older now.
On another note, I love the pic of sweet young you, dressed up with your pin. Adorable.
And, I also love your idea of making your posts podcasts. As a matter of fact, I’m trying to remember to include an audio version of my posts because a dedicated reader of mine told me she has trouble seeing the screen to read my posts but she wants desperately to be able to read them all. So I told her I would put them to audio and she was tickled. She is a senior and when I read your post about tips and your podcast idea and thought of my reader I thought that might be a good tip to include - offer audio versions of books or podcasts for them to listen to. OK, one more thought...when I taught art, I volunteered at an assisted living facility and brought creative activities to do with them. They often mirrored the type of activities I would do with my preschoolers. Their ages were late seventies up to 99 and many had dementia/Alzheimer’s. They loved art days with Mrs. Kelly and they would come alive! One day in particular, I brought clay so they could freely sculpt. One gentleman, in his 90’s, was so incredibly engaged and he continued to sculpt an entire little village of people. After he had finished, he broke out his harmonica and began playing a tune for all of us. This opportunity to create brought so much joy, he couldn’t contain himself. It was the sweetest moment. I have a photo of it somewhere in my phone. I teared up when it happened. Perhaps doing simple art activities is something else that could be added to your list? :)
Love this updated post so much. What an adorable picture of nurse Jen!!! You have given some absolutely wonderful advice. I especially like the storyteller section. I remember when we oversaw the care for my husband's grandmother, and we eventually moved her to a memory ward near us. I learned to play along to whatever role she assigned me that day. Sometimes I was her daughter or my sister-in-law. Sometimes I was the best friend in her wedding. (Having heard the story many times, I could fill in the details she didn't remember.) Sometimes I was a 3rd grader in her class. You have to be willing to playfully enter whatever part of their memory they are inhabiting at the moment. Praying for this beautifully hard journey you are on. Thank you for sharing your heart with us!
This is a simply beautiful, powerful post Jen and I have read and reread several times, just to savour it. The moving words from your previous article on that last time there was that clarity to maybe tell your dear mum you love her. I'm in tears. So often these precious moments in time, slip through our fingers. But your mum will know your love for her, she will sense it, I adore Sue Fulmore's comforting words too.
Those photos - of you when you were little and your dear dad, smiling. You offer such strength and courage to others going through similar times with loved ones and your tips are brilliant! I so so relate with being an advocate, coordinating for doctors and yes - so true about knowing when something is wrong in your gut. I also relate to needing to eat something when with an older relative - I feel so bad as I haven't always been having a snack with Mum, as I'm gluten free, but she's always so disappointed if she can't offer me anything. Must make more effort with that. And also yes, so true, being kind to yourself in such a difficult situation is a mantra for us all! So beautiful, you really are a ray of sunshine xxxx
Jen, there is so much here to respond to. I feel the same angst when it comes to how much to share online. And yet I know you are right, our stories are needed to encourage, inform, and inspire hope for others. The solidarity and companionship that comes from reading words that describe our own experiences is priceless.
I love the photo of little nurse Jen! 😍so cute!
The tips you offered are so very practical and needed - I wish I had those many years ago when we first began the dementia journey with my MIL.
Thank you for sharing some of my prayer 🥹 that is kind of you as always. I appreciate so much your support.
Jenn, I wrote a long response and then accidentally deleted it! I’ll sum it up here: every word of this is beautiful and helpful. I adore that photo of you as a little nurse! The smile! Your face oozes charm, and competence. And, yes, please record these posts because I LOVE hearing your voice.
Oh this is a beautiful, powerful post Jen. So much resonates - especially the point you make about how much of our story belongs to us and what we need to keep private for the sake of those we love. Always tough to reconcile. Also, the tips on managing the needs of a loved one who requires extra care and on dealing with those who manage it when we are not able, are invaluable and it is so familiar! As for those photos - of you as a nurse, just gorgeous and the one with your Dad - made me feel really emotional. Your suggestions are incredibly helpful and so typical of your inherent kindness in helping and supporting others in difficult situations. As always, such wise, wonderful words xxx
Thankful for the stories you share. And yes, so challenging to know what to share in public spaces and what to keep private. It's a fine line, for sure. But you walk that line with much grace and kindness, Jen. Great tips, by the way. The shorter more frequent contact really resonated, and has been so helpful on my own journey with Mom. Blessings to you, friend 💖
Wow such a lot of lovely, helpful wisdom and kind, supportive words here! This week for me has been A lot. What with hospital appointments for my parents and many a discussion with medical staff to help my mum and dad understand what’s going on (and yet, they still don’t really unless I repeat myself on a loop. And even then...) Oh your beautiful wedding photo and lovely dad 😍 I also really appreciate you sharing your wise and feeling thoughts and also those that you have enjoyed. I would love to hear newsletter recordings too! Big hugs xx